Jesus loves you (Jesus hates me)
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(Recorded live at the 2005 Weinstein Follies show in Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts.)
Jesus loves you like a submarine
Jesus loves you like a time
machine
But I don't think he cares
for me at all
Jesus loves you like a swimming
pool
Jesus loves you like an
all-girls' school
But he don't even answer
when I call
When the sergeant threw me
into jail
I prayed for Jesus to send me bail
The judge hit me with a
two-year term
I said "Oh, Jesus!" but
the judge stood firm
And I don't know what I'm
doin' wrong
He do-do-do-do-do-do-do-don't
like me at all
Jesus loves you like a hula
girl
Jesus loves you like a mocha
swirl
But I don't think he loves
me quite the same
Jesus loves you like an
old roadmap
Jesus loves you like a nice
long nap
He act like he don't even
know my name
When the army put me on the
line
I put my left foot on a
mine
My foot took off for points
unknown
I said "Oh, Jesus!" but
my foot kept goin'
And I don't know what I'm
doin' wrong
He do-do-do-do-do-do-do-don't
like me at all
Jesus loves you like a naughty
nurse
Jesus loves you like a Swinburne
verse
But I don't think he loves
me, nosirree
No no no no no, you know
he never liked me
Now I'm living in an alleyway
But I still pray to Jesus
nearly every day
I clutch my Bible like a
four-leaf clover
And I say "Oh, Jesus!" but
I'm still hung over
And I don't know what I'm
doin' wrong
He do-do-do-do-do-do-do-don't
like me at all
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