(Recorded live at the 2005 Weinstein Follies show in Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts.)

The story begins with "Once upon a time"
As every good story should
A young girl named Beatrice was walking along
The path by the edge of the wood

When what should she spy by the side of the path
But a six-inch-deep hole in the ground
And something made Beatrice reach into that hole
And it made a most terrible sound:

GRRROWL!

It was a growl hole - GRRROWL!
And it nearly scared her out of her skin
It was a growl hole
It growled when she put her hand in

And no-one knows the reason why
It should make such an awful sound
But that don't matter to Beatrice
No, it's the best hole she ever found

She took out a shovel she'd conveniently brought along
And she carefully dug into the earth
She dug in a circle around that growl hole
Cos she knew what a growl hole was worth

And when she'd dug it up she placed it in the pocket
Of her stylish new raincoat and smirked
And then she reached into the pocket of her coat
To make sure that the growl hole still worked:

GRRROWL!

It was a growl hole - GRRROWL!
And it nearly scared her out of her hat
It was a growl hole
It growled like a jungle cat

And no-one knows the reason why
It should growl, but Beatrice don't care
Cos now it's in the pocket of her raincoat
And she's taking it everywhere

Now Beatrice felt no fear with the growl hole in her pocket
So she hopped the first freighter to France
And began her career as a notorious jewel thief
A life of intrigue and romance

And when the cops caught up to her (as they not infrequently did)
She'd surrender and tearfully say
"Just reach into the pocket of my coat and you'll find
Enough evidence to put me away"

GRRROWL!

...But for some reason, the cops ran away

Cos it was a growl hole - GRRROWL!
And it nearly scared them out of their shoes
It was a growl hole
Something every jewel thief could use

And no-one knows the reason why
It should growl when you put in your hand
But Beatrice knows with her growl hole
The world is at her command